Hopefully you will have a work term or internship where there is no conflict, but it can happen that you have conflict with your boss, your boss's boss, a peer of your boss's, one of your peers, or someone you are supervising or directing. You need to understand why the conflict arose and how to avoid similar situations in the future if possible. But, you also need to fix the situation, minimize the potential damage, and figure out how to move on. Note, we are talking about the typical, normal types of conflicts that can occur. If there is any harrassment, abuse, or stuff that crosses the line, you should know the company's policies and ways of dealing with it, and you should also be aware of the resources provided by the university.
There are some questions to think about. For example,
Understand where the other party is coming from. Use “I understand” statements.
Create a safe space where the other party can voice their opinion and allow them to frame their argument without blaming them or shutting them down.
Actively listen to the other person explaining their side. You maybe have misinterpreted their intention and maybe the ‘conflict’ was just a simple misunderstanding.
Use “I” statements. For example, reframe your message in a way that it is not about what the other person is doing wrong but about how you feel you might be doing right. Or, you can start off assuming that you might have miscommunicated something, or that you did something that led to the conflict. It does not hurt to take the high road and hold yourself accountable for at least part of the problem. You should also leave room in the discussion where you might actually be wrong, and you need to compromise or change your mind. You do not want to paint yourself into a corner, or force yourself to the cliff edge where you have no ability to back down or compromise. These types of positioning can make the other person feel less attacked and make the argument framed more around communication, mutual understanding, emotions, opinions, personal beliefs rather than a personal attack on the other person. You never want to make it a personal attack!
Maintain a calm tone and a level head to think rationally about the best outcome solution. Take time later or before the meeting to process your emotions so that you are prepared to find a solution and move forward at the agreed upon meeting.
Show a willingness to compromise and collaborate to reach the best outcome solution.
When making recommendations, leave the person a way out, it is merely a suggestion that does not need to be followed.
Maintain the privacy of the other person involved, if you need to vent, consider journaling or talking to someone with no ties to the person involved and keep their name anonymous. This ensures the privacy of the person is maintained.
Take the lesson from the conflict, reflect, learn and grow.
Pay close attention to what’s not said. Notice posture, gestures, facial expressions and how they are different from their words. Create an environment where a person is more comfortable being honest with you.
Prioritize conflict resolution over being right. Sometimes it is better to say sorry, admit that you’re ‘wrong’ even when you don’t think you are. Take the blame and allow the other party to save face. Making this sacrifice can pay off later when the connection is maintained, and the channels of communication remain open.
Focus on current conflict, the way forward and not looking back on already resolved previous conflicts.